i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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