Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
it's like iHOP with fire
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
