never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize