got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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