god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
