I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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