Already got asked if we're dating
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
