He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
