Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Randomize