Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
