No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
