when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
