he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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