so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
