i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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