I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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