actually, I'm a sock model
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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