He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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