I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
