Im at strip club and am horny
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
