I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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