it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize