seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
