Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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