Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
