Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
