Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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