...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
