Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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