theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
