eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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