Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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