He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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