what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
