some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
