I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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