we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
