i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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