He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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