You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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