it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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