Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
