capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
