I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
