The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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