Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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