He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
