Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
