True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
