my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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