Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
