I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
