i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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