Where is the hickey?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
