dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
