I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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