ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Randomize
