Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
