Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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