Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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