I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
