I think I died a long time ago.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
