I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
