So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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