I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
We left the knife in your bed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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