You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Randomize