i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
