I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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