Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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