I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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