Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
