how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
