i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
