I wanna passion pit in your ass
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
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