Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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