it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
