College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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