you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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